Toward the end of our hour together my client asked “So, why do I do things even if I know I shouldn’t?”
I have a love/hate relationship with shoulds.
I hate them when they are experienced as judgy, like someone else’s voice, and when they make people feel limited or like they’re not enough.
I love shoulds as opportunities to explore what is actually true and authentic. And for how they lead to uncovering judgements.
Judgements are thoughts.
Judgements are often concepts, beliefs and ideas about how to operate in the world that other people gave us and we adopted consciously or unconsciously.
Judgements often feel uncomfortable.
As humans we tend to take action to move towards comfort and away from discomfort.
Judgements can be seen and felt without taking action.
If we can see and accept our own judgments as stories, not truth, they won’t confine us. They won’t lead us to an action based on someone else’s ideas or change the way we feel about ourselves.
To explore accepting judgements, the next time you feel like you should do or not do something, try this…
Set a timer and take 5-10 minutes by yourself. Close your eyes and invite all your judgments to come up.
And, to the best of your ability, hear, see, feel and know them. Don’t do anything else.
As people, thoughts happen and we experience them. Judgements happen and we experience them.
But you are not your thoughts, you experience your thoughts.
If it’s helpful, imagine your thoughts like watching a scary movie. While you’re watching the movie, it’s normal to get scared. It’s actually why you go there. And when the movie is done, you don’t need to be scared anymore. You might still feel a bit on edge or uncomfortable from getting scared, but you know it’s over. You know it was something you experienced.
Thoughts and judgments, don’t need to define or drive us if we can accept that they are an experience.
What do you think is possible when you can accept judgments for what they are?
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